April Showers bring Low Self Esteem

I saw it. TMNT. And that latest chapter of my favorite secret mutant hero team was outstanding.

Now don't get me wrong, the plot wasn't exactly amazing (no Shredder?), and there was a Super Mario Brothers Movie "Let's Make a Sequel" moment. Regardless, I loved it. Not in small part because it's CG, but also because, like my boy Mueller, I'm a die hard fan.

No joke. I had it all. Not just the action figures, but trading cards and the collector videos you could get at Pizza Hutt as well. Remember the "Coming Out of Their Shell" Tour? Double M posted a video from it Friday. I went to that concert. Seriously. I had the cassette, nay, memorized the cassette. I also know that originally Raphael played the saxophone, but eventually moved to keytar because he couldn't sing while playing a wind instrument. I owned this. And several of these. I had a Raph wrist watch for my right hand and a Leo wrist watch for my left, which I wore simultaneously so I could remember which hand was which.

Unfortunately wearing two wrist watches at the same time makes you neither a ninja, nor a turtle, and certainly not both. Mainly it just increases your beatings at recess. Such is the life of a true fan.

All praise aside, the new movie did leave me with a few small gripes. First of all, April is no longer a news reporter. She is apparently an archaeologist who finds rare antiques in dangerous places while wearing a yellow jump suit and wielding a katana blade. When did April O'Neil become a cross between Lara Croft and Beatrix Kiddo? Just to give you an idea of the change, here is her progression from first animated series to second to animated film:

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She used to be a news reporter in a banana jump suit and now she's fighting along side Leo? I don't buy it. Plus I think she's gone through as many plastic surgeries as Pamela Anderson, as evidenced by this pinball machine.

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I mean really. Look at her incredibly large ... forehead. I don't recall those kind of proportions on Miss O'Neil.

But she isn't the only one who's gone through a few changes over the years. It seems as though the Turtles themselves have dropped a shell size or two since they originally captured my heart. Here is their animated evolution:

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I dunno if it was the evils of today's media or an unrequited love for a certain passive aggressive female news reporter, but I'm worried that the Turtles may be struggling with self image issues of late.

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One last thing before I let ya go. Mueller posted a German version of the team the other day. Here's the insanely deranged Japanese version.